The now

I was reading an article about starting things: the best time to do so is now.  So I decided that today I am going to exercise, find positive things about my husband, have more patience with my kids… and the list goes on.  So this was yesterday, I had to stay late at work, my daughter (10) decided to make drama over dinner, throwing herself on the counter because I was mean enough to refuse dessert until she had eaten dinner and I thought what do I do NOW.  What a powerful word NOW.  What is happening at the very moment, what emotion is being felt at this exact time, probably the most important time of the day is always NOW.  Yet it is hard to fill now with the most important thing - somehow the unimportant filters in and takes our time even though we somehow know it shouldn't.  Somehow the reaction takes over before we have actually taken the time to even discover what the emotion is we are feeling right NOW.  Somehow we give others control of ourselves and forget to take that control and act in the NOW.  So what do I want to do right NOW.  I want to be happy, I want to be humble, I don't want to be angry, I don't want to be frustrated, I want to help others but not be overwhelmed by their needs at the expense of mine, I want to feel free, I want to feel light, I want to be humble, I want to be still, I want to feel and know of god's love at the same time, I want to feel important, I want to feel loved, I want to know I matter but know that I don't matter more than someone else.

Can I have or do these things right now.  I want to be happy - is this my choice, or based on the actions of other.  I want to be humble - do I trust in the Lord and his pathway or am I trying to do things my own way.  I don't want to be angry or frustrated - am I allowing my circumstances to have control, or am I taking control of my own feelings.  I want to help but not be overwhelmed - am I able to be compassionate about others or am I judging their situation, am I taking the needs of others to the Lord, or only focusing on my own needs.  I want to feel free - am I living life so that I am not restricted by finance, by physical or emotional baggage - what am I doing to get rid of the baggage.  I want to feel loved - am I innately loved and important or do I need other's acceptance to validate my worth.  I WANT TO BE STILL AND KNOW THAT GOD IS.