Walk a mile...

I was sitting here thinking about how funny or demanding some of the requests I get are.  I try to look at it in a positive light, that's why I say funny but really quite demanding and it made me think of the age old saying - walk a mile in someone else's shoes.  I had a strange request from someone and At first I thought well she must be worried I better find the time to take care of it- finding the time will be quite difficult though because I have a full day of clinic then would like to get home to my own dinner, need to get my son to scouts and myself to yoga and then pick up my other son from rock climbing.  I fancy myself that I am somewhat selfless so was going to forego my dinner or seeing my husband in order to take care of this rather strange concern.  As clinic continued to go longer than expected I thought I should at least get a little more information - I found out that not only was the request strange, but based on the circumstance also unwarranted. Now -
Walk a mile in my shoes and you might see the frustration of trying to decide whose needs come first - the baby, the mother, the doctor or the doctors family.  The request is not warranted and if becomes so in the future is certainly not urgent.  If I put the mother off she may give me horribly bad reviews (not to mention the karma) yet if I go I am taking time out from the needs of my own family and self for a very non urgent manner.  Isn't that what doctors sign up for you might say - Well you might say as I am saying that to myself right now. If I do not go I will feel quite selfish and yet if I do I will be yet further drained of my own reservoir; and eventually by giving all to others, will be depleted and able to give no more.
     Walk a mile in the mother's shoes and you can see she is worried about her baby, has gone to her mother (her source of knowledge) found that the baby may have a problem and as many of us would be - feels that her baby is urgent; after all who does she have to care for but her own children.  Sitting in a hospital bed all day, one may not understand that another person has spent the day busily at work and that the patients in the office have scheduled time to see their doctor and some of them may have an urgent concern.
     Walk a mile in the nurses shoes and you'll see an overworked individual who is trying to reassure an anxious mother with little success so resorts to calling in the physician.
      So I guess the point to all this is the next time you feel bad, guilty, frustrated take a minute to think about all the miles, add them up and maybe you'll see your miles aren't so bad.  Also remember that the behavior you see from someone else is the outward expression to a myriad of inward emotions and motivations.

The now

I was reading an article about starting things: the best time to do so is now.  So I decided that today I am going to exercise, find positive things about my husband, have more patience with my kids… and the list goes on.  So this was yesterday, I had to stay late at work, my daughter (10) decided to make drama over dinner, throwing herself on the counter because I was mean enough to refuse dessert until she had eaten dinner and I thought what do I do NOW.  What a powerful word NOW.  What is happening at the very moment, what emotion is being felt at this exact time, probably the most important time of the day is always NOW.  Yet it is hard to fill now with the most important thing - somehow the unimportant filters in and takes our time even though we somehow know it shouldn't.  Somehow the reaction takes over before we have actually taken the time to even discover what the emotion is we are feeling right NOW.  Somehow we give others control of ourselves and forget to take that control and act in the NOW.  So what do I want to do right NOW.  I want to be happy, I want to be humble, I don't want to be angry, I don't want to be frustrated, I want to help others but not be overwhelmed by their needs at the expense of mine, I want to feel free, I want to feel light, I want to be humble, I want to be still, I want to feel and know of god's love at the same time, I want to feel important, I want to feel loved, I want to know I matter but know that I don't matter more than someone else.

Can I have or do these things right now.  I want to be happy - is this my choice, or based on the actions of other.  I want to be humble - do I trust in the Lord and his pathway or am I trying to do things my own way.  I don't want to be angry or frustrated - am I allowing my circumstances to have control, or am I taking control of my own feelings.  I want to help but not be overwhelmed - am I able to be compassionate about others or am I judging their situation, am I taking the needs of others to the Lord, or only focusing on my own needs.  I want to feel free - am I living life so that I am not restricted by finance, by physical or emotional baggage - what am I doing to get rid of the baggage.  I want to feel loved - am I innately loved and important or do I need other's acceptance to validate my worth.  I WANT TO BE STILL AND KNOW THAT GOD IS.

Unfortunately I have started 2 blogs in the past, one I left off and one I've lost.  It's unlikely that anyone will read this, but I have felt inspired to write.  I am trying to post on daily events of inspiration showing Christ's evidence in my life and introspections of human reactions.  I am a pediatrician that works with a large group of underprivileged patients that leads me to frequently ask questions about the human condition.
     Today I have been wondering about interactions between ourselves.  Why do we get so nervous being around others.  Why do we crave closeness and yet find a hard time achieving it.  Well at least some of us do.  I find there is a distance between me and others - partly why I am writing this - to forge a connection with others of a like mind, but to meet others that I would otherwise not be able to meet.  Also why I am not posting on Facebook but a more anonymous source.
       I feel the light of Christ in my life, so why do I still hold back.  As I was sitting in our sunday school class we were discussing effects of the fall of Adam - I had several comments to say and yet held back.  Inside I had a sense of agitation and still do.  As I said a prayer asking for this agitation to calm I felt inspired to write.
      Maybe in today's world it is just so easy to be distant from others - from elementary to college we are placed in groups - we are labeled - part of us wants to break away from that label and just be me, but there are good things to be defined as or by.  When I was young, I would go to my grandmother's house and she would have visitors or she would have a quilt on and a number of women would come and chat together - I think they worked out their marital problems, child rearing problems and I think these visits/quilts were medicinal against anxiety and depression.  When do we get to have an in depth conversation with others.  In this fast pace world we meet so many and yet know so few.  I know in my neighborhood some of the people seem to have forged strong friendships and occasionally I start but don't seem to get that far.  Maybe it's just winter speaking: stuck inside, not communicating with others.
     Anyway - thoughts on the inner self and how we interact with others.
Today I wonder - tomorrow I am going to notice these interactions and the hand of God in my life and post