Change

Over the last several months our family has had somewhat of a trial, but a huge chance for learning and growth.  As I was thinking about all that has happened, I realized I haven't journaled/blogged about it and I should have.  So this won't be as good in retrospect as in the moment but I'm going to take the week to blog in steps about what has been going on.  

Summer 2014

Complacency

I have always placed a huge focus on learning and growing.  As a person I want to improve, I need to constantly be studying for work, during my long school years I of course wanted the best grades, and during residency I tried to absorb and process as much knowledge as I could.  Slowly after I started practicing medicine, I know longer had a measuring stick to measure the success of this growth - especially in regards to school.  No more tests to study for, no more reviews from colleagues - At first I was rather elated.  Yippee I thought, no more tests no more awkward meetings with superiors to discuss my progress.  But from the yippee grew complacency.  This summer I found myself not quite being myself.  Things I had once valued didn't seem to be getting the time and attention they used to, I was retreating into myself (funny I just read my last post and it brought this situation/trial full circle as I realized where it all started), I didn't seem to be as selfless, caring and I was focused on outward things - like possessions, more than I had ever been before.  

Now this may sound weird, but I actually started praying for a trial.  We had a lesson in sunday school about trials and how they are for our growth and I felt I was at least stagnant and scarily maybe even slipping backwards - allowing old habits or weaknesses to surface and not progressing as I wished.  I prayed that I would have something happen to help me focus on the things I value most, and allow for the personal growth I was seeking.  

As my husband and I were attending the temple I had a soft but firm impression that we should move.  Now if you know me and my house, I love it - we have added on - I designed it myself and put so many personal touches to it - the idea of moving seemed absurd.  My garden, my home, my sunroom.  So I somewhat dismissed the idea - but as we were driving home, told my husband about my impression.  He told me he had felt the same thing.  

We went home, called a relator and started looking for homes in a few of the surrounding cities.  Although unexpected this seemed like an exciting chance for change and a possibility of getting to know others - we were kind of excited - this was not the trial I had prayed for but an exciting opportunity.  This opportunity grew and flourished over the next few days/weeks - 

Tomorrow: revelation