As I was driving my 12 year old to one of his activities I thought - what an exciting time this is. I remember the feeling or sense that I could do anything, become anyone - then slowly adulthood settles in and you realize, no I actually can't - you fail at one thing or another, self doubt and other negative attitudes settle in and before you know it you look back on the teenage years as something you had to endure or get through. (Okay so maybe that's just me). So I started to have a little bit of a mind change as I was looking forward to all the excitement and learning for my son. I started to think back on all the fun times, all the things I learned. I got out some of my old keepsakes and looked at things I did as a teen and remembered the good instead of the bad and I started to feel a weight left. I felt like I had carried around baggage - a person that I really no longer am, the regrets instead of the excitement.
We have 3 times in life we get to be so emotionally charged that years later a song sparks a memory of a first kiss a first date - a first anything. We feel that way when we are teens - but then as above we make all the mistakes, feel the heartache and failure of the first rejection from a boy, the first break up. We then get to live vicariously through our own kids - but in so doing I have been somewhat liberated as I have somehow shed my teenage skin and moved past the things I once was.
Why haven't I done that by now you might ask - well I'm not sure - I guess those songs of emotionally charge energy come up often enough - maybe I am just learning to realize that a mistake is a simple oops lets try again. I think some of us have the ability to move on so fast that we brush ourselves off, others of us fall down and have to wallow awhile. Some of us see all of our small day to day things as a triumph while others see all the oopses and live with regret. I am thirty something and just starting to live or see more of the triumphs and less of the oopses (still a perfectionist at heart though I will always try to do better, but I think I'm learning there's joy along the way.)
So as I vicariously live though my son I won't deny him his firsts and maybe he'll see things different from me and allow me a greater insight to life.
Someday I hope to watch and live a little through my grandchildren - all the excitement of what could be or is yet to be. I'm excited for tomorrow but will be more liberated and free today.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
attitude of gratitude
I had a most wonderful time thanking my MA's. I think I embarrassed them a little but I really am quite thankful for them.
I am thankful for my children. At times I find myself worn out or fed up with their arguing or the fact I have to keep on them to get something done, but when I really stop and think about it - most of the time I am annoyed I am in a hurry or being selfish and it's not so much their actions as my attitude. I have such wonderful children. They try at home and at school, they really don't fight that often, they work together, are responsible. i need to catch them being good instead of catching them being bad. I will focus on their good behavior and say thank you for all they do.
I am thankful for my children. At times I find myself worn out or fed up with their arguing or the fact I have to keep on them to get something done, but when I really stop and think about it - most of the time I am annoyed I am in a hurry or being selfish and it's not so much their actions as my attitude. I have such wonderful children. They try at home and at school, they really don't fight that often, they work together, are responsible. i need to catch them being good instead of catching them being bad. I will focus on their good behavior and say thank you for all they do.
The past, the present and the future
I was teaching a lesson yesterday about the ancient Israelites - they had trouble moving forward as they continued to look back to Egypt instead of looking toward the promised land. Part of the discussion was on looking towards the future - having dreams or goals and looking towards them - which I thought interesting as I have also heard and recently posted about living in the now. I have also heard many statements about remembering the past and learning from it. So which is best to live in, the past, the present or the future. Of course the answer is easy right - all 3 a balance of all 3. I started thinking about each one and thought I would discuss it a little
The past: how can living in the past be harmful. When we wish for things the way they used to be we may miss out on opportunities now, or not see the blessings that we have. If we think about or regret choices we have made we may be riddled with guilt and unable to move forward. A healthy dose of forgiveness is important to have towards others as well as toward ourselves.
How can remembering the past be beneficial. If we do not learn from the past we are doomed to repeat it. We should learn from the choices others have made, from the small to the large - from wars, from our ancestors, but learn from them to move forward. So if we are looking at the past to improve the present and future I think that would be healthy - otherwise we should focus on moving forward.
The present: What if we only live in the present. Well obviously that would lead to some selfishness as we would live for the moment and the fun of what is currently ongoing. Also as this is limited site we probably wouldn't always make the best choices, but if we are stuck in regrets or so busy looking for the next good thing/the next project to complete, we may miss out on the joys coming from the moment. So when we are making choices we should take into account the past choices we have made, how our current choice fits into our overall pathway of life and effect the future, but once we have made a choice we should fully enjoy ourselves or fully live in the moment so as not to miss something by only looking forward to the next moment or thinking about the past.
I often miss what is going on at the moment by thinking about something I may need to do the next day or looking forward to something but when the time comes not immersing myself int he moment. I also sometimes "assume" that each event will be similar to one in the past - I can ruin a good vacation, thinking well last time something bad happened so it might again. This also assumes a negative purpose towards others actions if we see them as if the person has already injured us, when they haven't done anything yet.
The future: While we should plan for the future if we are always waiting for the next activity/project etc. we will not enjoy the one we are currently on. If we fail to plan or make goal we will end up somewhere on the road to life, but most likely in a completely different location than the one we wish to have been.
In what ways do you find a balance in the past/present/future? or In what ways have you found yourself caught up in one that has effected you positively or negatively?
The past: how can living in the past be harmful. When we wish for things the way they used to be we may miss out on opportunities now, or not see the blessings that we have. If we think about or regret choices we have made we may be riddled with guilt and unable to move forward. A healthy dose of forgiveness is important to have towards others as well as toward ourselves.
How can remembering the past be beneficial. If we do not learn from the past we are doomed to repeat it. We should learn from the choices others have made, from the small to the large - from wars, from our ancestors, but learn from them to move forward. So if we are looking at the past to improve the present and future I think that would be healthy - otherwise we should focus on moving forward.
The present: What if we only live in the present. Well obviously that would lead to some selfishness as we would live for the moment and the fun of what is currently ongoing. Also as this is limited site we probably wouldn't always make the best choices, but if we are stuck in regrets or so busy looking for the next good thing/the next project to complete, we may miss out on the joys coming from the moment. So when we are making choices we should take into account the past choices we have made, how our current choice fits into our overall pathway of life and effect the future, but once we have made a choice we should fully enjoy ourselves or fully live in the moment so as not to miss something by only looking forward to the next moment or thinking about the past.
I often miss what is going on at the moment by thinking about something I may need to do the next day or looking forward to something but when the time comes not immersing myself int he moment. I also sometimes "assume" that each event will be similar to one in the past - I can ruin a good vacation, thinking well last time something bad happened so it might again. This also assumes a negative purpose towards others actions if we see them as if the person has already injured us, when they haven't done anything yet.
The future: While we should plan for the future if we are always waiting for the next activity/project etc. we will not enjoy the one we are currently on. If we fail to plan or make goal we will end up somewhere on the road to life, but most likely in a completely different location than the one we wish to have been.
In what ways do you find a balance in the past/present/future? or In what ways have you found yourself caught up in one that has effected you positively or negatively?
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Attitude of gratitude
So I have done fairly well on taking care of my body - exercised 3 times out of 4 days. Didn't do so well on people - I need to share one personal thing about myself, but I did smile at all those I passed.
I had a most crazy day yesterday - (my bearded dragon died) As a person that doesn't even kill spiders it was actually quite distressing so I was not very grateful but today I am back on track trying to see the good in the world so.
I am grateful for the most wonderful MA's a pediatrician could wish for (no they do not read my blog - I don't even think they know about it actually) They take such good care of me, put up with my nuances, support me in my self doubt, praise me.
To say thanks I am going to comment on the little things tomorrow things that help make my job easier and help take care of my patients better.
I had a most crazy day yesterday - (my bearded dragon died) As a person that doesn't even kill spiders it was actually quite distressing so I was not very grateful but today I am back on track trying to see the good in the world so.
I am grateful for the most wonderful MA's a pediatrician could wish for (no they do not read my blog - I don't even think they know about it actually) They take such good care of me, put up with my nuances, support me in my self doubt, praise me.
To say thanks I am going to comment on the little things tomorrow things that help make my job easier and help take care of my patients better.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Attitude of gratitude
I am thankful for people
While I spend a lot of my time unsure of what to say, how to start a conversation or feeling awkward, I truly love the uniqueness of each individual I meet.
To show my gratitude for people I am going to smile at everyone I meet tomorrow and tell at least one person something personal about myself
While I spend a lot of my time unsure of what to say, how to start a conversation or feeling awkward, I truly love the uniqueness of each individual I meet.
To show my gratitude for people I am going to smile at everyone I meet tomorrow and tell at least one person something personal about myself
Sunday, April 13, 2014
attitude of gratitude
I've been feeling sort of agitated lately and not able to put my finger on why. The more I try to take "self" time, to relax or chill the more agitated I get. I thought maybe I needed to help others then, the more I did the more I got annoyed that I seemed to have to help so many others. I did take a vacation and afterwards felt better able to deal with the day to day stressors, but I still felt I was over interpreting little things as stressors. I found I'm not enjoying time with family and well just agitated. As I was pondering about why today I realized of course this feeling was coming internally. Outside stress may contribute a little but it was my attitude about the things I had to do that was the problem. Most of the things on my to do list haven't altered much and yet my annoyance level has. I was hit with the thought that I needed to find positive things and not just positive things, but things I am grateful for.
So although it is not fall - not thanksgiving. I am going to blog about those things I am thankful for - at least one post a day until the end of the month.
So today I am thankful for my health: I have an amazing body that is free from disease that allows me to complete any task I need to or want to. My brain is sharp and alert, I am able to process information quickly and this allows me to help others and to enjoy a sense of internal organization.
To show thanks for my body I am going to work out daily. So cheer me on (as good ideas don't always translate into actions). 30 minutes daily exercise to help my body to continue functioning at it's optimal level an say thanks for all it does for me.
So although it is not fall - not thanksgiving. I am going to blog about those things I am thankful for - at least one post a day until the end of the month.
So today I am thankful for my health: I have an amazing body that is free from disease that allows me to complete any task I need to or want to. My brain is sharp and alert, I am able to process information quickly and this allows me to help others and to enjoy a sense of internal organization.
To show thanks for my body I am going to work out daily. So cheer me on (as good ideas don't always translate into actions). 30 minutes daily exercise to help my body to continue functioning at it's optimal level an say thanks for all it does for me.
Friday, April 11, 2014
I don't care what others think
What does this statement mean to you?
I was recently dealing with a relative that was making quite a scene at a public park and when asked to use a more quiet voice, she said I don't care what other people think; I speak my mind.
This and the many "just saying" comments I have heard make me wonder about what these statements mean.
Do they mean they don't care about other people's opinions, do they mean they don't care how their actions reflect on themselves or others. Do they only don't care if people think negative about them. Do they mean that somehow if they don't care about what you think they have the right to enforce their views to be heard. They don't care if you care. Really what do they mean? If they don't care what other people think does that mean that they somehow matter more than anyone else and we all have to put up with them. Is it liberating to not care. I think in the above situation it was a somewhat selfish statement, that somehow this relative's needs superseded all those around them.
I like to try to teach my children to not care what other's think as far as empowering them to be their best self and not worry if someone else thinks it is best. There is a certain amount of crippling that occurs if you are worried about what another will say, as we do answer to ourselves, but we should care about others while caring for ourselves.
I try to empower the parents I see to parent in the way they feel best and not let their children's actions reflect on them. How many of us have been in a situation where someone thought we should do or say something differently to our children - but who knows your child best? You or the neighbor. Do your best and let only yourself be the judge, not others.
I try to empower my teen patients to be happy with who they are.
But by being happy with who you, are you are infringing on another's rights then instead of saying I don't care what they think about me, you are in actuality saying I don't care ABOUT YOU. While we can be empowered to be our true selves, by not letting other's opinions of us become our opinions about ourselves we should care about others, otherwise what is life for. All the things we can own will never make up for the relationships we may have missed.
I care what other's think but I don't let it control who I think I am or how I behave: hopefully that is what the above statement would mean if I were to say it.
What do you think?
I was recently dealing with a relative that was making quite a scene at a public park and when asked to use a more quiet voice, she said I don't care what other people think; I speak my mind.
This and the many "just saying" comments I have heard make me wonder about what these statements mean.
Do they mean they don't care about other people's opinions, do they mean they don't care how their actions reflect on themselves or others. Do they only don't care if people think negative about them. Do they mean that somehow if they don't care about what you think they have the right to enforce their views to be heard. They don't care if you care. Really what do they mean? If they don't care what other people think does that mean that they somehow matter more than anyone else and we all have to put up with them. Is it liberating to not care. I think in the above situation it was a somewhat selfish statement, that somehow this relative's needs superseded all those around them.
I like to try to teach my children to not care what other's think as far as empowering them to be their best self and not worry if someone else thinks it is best. There is a certain amount of crippling that occurs if you are worried about what another will say, as we do answer to ourselves, but we should care about others while caring for ourselves.
I try to empower the parents I see to parent in the way they feel best and not let their children's actions reflect on them. How many of us have been in a situation where someone thought we should do or say something differently to our children - but who knows your child best? You or the neighbor. Do your best and let only yourself be the judge, not others.
I try to empower my teen patients to be happy with who they are.
But by being happy with who you, are you are infringing on another's rights then instead of saying I don't care what they think about me, you are in actuality saying I don't care ABOUT YOU. While we can be empowered to be our true selves, by not letting other's opinions of us become our opinions about ourselves we should care about others, otherwise what is life for. All the things we can own will never make up for the relationships we may have missed.
I care what other's think but I don't let it control who I think I am or how I behave: hopefully that is what the above statement would mean if I were to say it.
What do you think?
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