Memories

Today is our 17th wedding anniversary.  For those celebrating their 30th or 40th this may still feel like young love, but for some reason this year has just hit me how long we have been together.  This fact led me to some reminiscing this morning and then I was cleaning out a cabinet and came across old school notes from as far back as 7th grade.  It made me realize how many people have been a part of making me who I am.  While we are all unique I feel like we are the sum of all sorts of small connections and interactions that we've had over the years.  While I sometimes look back on some of the parts or decisions of my life with some sadness or regret I'm thankful for them all as they have made me who I am.

I can sometimes laugh at myself for the "depth" of my emotion - my "emo" tendencies so to speak, my tendency to sit and reminisce like this morning, but I'm also crazy, goofy, dance around the house, smile for no reason, accept everyone for who they are, splash in the sand and ocean, climb a rock wall, push to win, hold a baby tight, pieces of all my friends, family, and acquaintances.

Some of you have been more briefly in my life than others, some stronger influences, but I am me because of you.

Thanks to Billie, Krissta (KAB), Missy, Whitney, Callie, Heather, Lisa, Michael, Justin, Jayson, Ted,
Joshua, Kelly, Blaine, Laramy, Lorinda, Chelsea, Jessi, Cindy, Doug, Letha, Lincoln, Sally, Bill, Jenny, Tina, Randy, Doug, Tessa, Connie, Pat, Eddie, Ronald, Mia, Ricky, Rindy, Lou Ann, Harold, Dianna, Shawn, Shanna, Chad, Ryan, Jenny, Dallin, Karissa, Devin, Tina, Kat, Connie, Streator, Stacy, Stephanie, Scott, Nick, Mike and Megan, Phong, Cameo, Mike, Russ and Jessica, Tisha and Dave, Ross and Eden, Mike, Leah, Mhari, Evan and Cheryl, Lauren and Gordan, Jessica and James, Catherine and Kent, Becca, Nathan, James, Tanner, Jeff and Gail, Diane and Corbin, Heidi and Lindsey, to all those I haven't mentioned but who filter through my thoughts and heart.

No matter where I go in life, no matter if our paths cross again, if we keep in touch a little, a lot, or not at all - - You are all in my heart and soul as pieces of who I am
Thank you for all you've done, for your love, your personalities, your uniqueness, your connection.


To the human family - to all those that I've met and all those I've yet to meet
Love and Thanks

To my husband who will share this journey with me in a capacity and duration that no one else can match, I love you not just for all the good, but for all - all we have been through, all we will yet go through, all that has shaped us and made us who we are, may we continue through the refiners fire to become all we are capable of

Nisha

SUMMER!!!

So my last post I wrote knowing that I would be busy the first part of the summer so I thought I would write early and then post it to keep up - well then I forgot to post it, so back to back posts this week hee hee.

So summer aww summer, I mean who doesn't love the season really.  Fresh fruit, parades, good weather and in my case... FAMILY.

So my parents and Tanner (Kyler's best friend) came out to visit for 2 whole weeks.  It was such a lovely visit I feel so recharged.  We went to waterfalls in NH, a seaport in Rhode island, visited the plymouth sites regarding the pilgrims and had down time for some of our favorite activities - i.e. cape cod baseball and ICE CREAM.

I've been back to work for a week now and I can't believe how fast time goes.  the first day back was of course busy - that's what happens when you're away for a couple of weeks, the following 2 days were busy as well, and I got out late, I had 7 days straight to work but through it all I was still just chill - I think the vacation was well needed.  I feel like I am connecting better with my patients and realize I just needed a little bit of rest.  I really love what I do.  I had a number of one year visits this past week and I just can't believe I've been here long enough to have my patient panel growing up.  I love watching the change in not only the baby, but the parents as they go from that precious newborn baby to the toddling one year old.
As I am struggling to redefine my role in my teenagers lives, I love having that weekly reminder of my own growth throughout their lives - it seems like just a moment ago they were handing me Kyler for the first time - 21 hrs of labor and an emergency c section later what a precious gift.  I love the uniqueness of each of my children, but Kyler holds so many firsts.  First baby, first foods, first walker, now we're moving on to first girlfriend, first time he's held hands - I'm quite nervous about the first break up but realize life continues on for all of us.

It's so fun having teenagers - through all the challenges it is so funny but I feel like I am working through some of my own teenage awkwardness - some of the things I may have pushed under the rug, feelings that I didn't know how to work through in my immature self I am embracing and laughing at now.  As Kyler is starting in with several of his firsts I have reflected back and drudged up memories that I well didn't remember.  I have thought of things in a different light.  Along my "teenage career" I had developed a sense of regret, missed opportunities and lost friendships, but thinking back has allowed me the opportunity to remember all of the fun things, all of the good friendships.  Really - my life is just so good, it is hard to believe the amount of blessings I have received, I see the Lord's hand in each step.  When I get caught up in the moment I can be scared, angry, or frustrated but when I put on the glasses of remembrance I realize how often I have felt our heavenly father near.  I am so grateful for my knowledge of the plan of salvation, that there is meaning to this life and purpose beyond our own meager interests and the moment.

I love this beautiful summer weather to sit out early int he morning, late at night, listen to the birds sing, watch the fireflies and revel in our existence.
So when you're caught up with the negative - pull out your glasses of remembrance - think of all those great times you had with friends, family, yourself, take a little time to sit in nature and remember how much you are loved




 

SEASONS

So I know I have talked about the seasons of our lives, especially with season changes in the climate, but this morning I had a glimpse of the seasons in our lives.  McKye is currently at an overnight camp with the school - crazy at his age, I think I did hyperventilate a little when I put him on the bus - but I have updates from one of the chaperones and pictures which has calmed my nerves - but back to the point... One of the recurring themes in my life - recognizing that I am good enough where I am and who I am right now - I don't have to do everything all at once to be good enough.

So with McKye gone the house has been so quiet - so clean and well really boring.  I've had 2 mornings in a row with no kids and the house is already clean so I really haven't had anything to do - which has totally thrown me off because I usually use these mornings to get a ton of errands and to do list stuff done - and I kind of just don't have anything that needs doing.  So in true Nisha fashion I started thinking I wasn't doing enough - there has to be something that needs done, someone to serve or help.

As I was pondering I had a sweet impression that today is good enough just how it is.  With a small glimpse of what it may be like as the kids grow older and do more on their own I realized that right here and now the most important thing is being there to love and support them- in a few years all the other "service ideas" may take up more of my time and energy - and there will be a season for that.  There will be a time when I can go back to exploring my hobbies and ideas but the season I am in now holds value on it's own and I am doing okay in my current execution of my time.  Small changes and listening to the promptings as they come remain important, but I need to recognize the current season for what it is and embrace it fully without worry about what comes next or the upcoming season - at least not so much that I miss out on the beauties of the current season of my life.

So take a moment to relish in where you are right now - who you influence right now and just breath in a little love for yourself.