After leaving Massachusetts fortified with the spirit, the cloud of shadow and darkness decided to try to thwart us from the path. Soon after getting home the nice warm assurance we received was replaced by doubt as we ran into some fairly significant road blocks. We first realized that we had not talked compensation. As I began to discuss salary, benefits, hours, etc... I sinking feeling began to slowly seep into the fibers of my being. It was quite clear that not only would I make less, pay more in health insurance, but that I would actually be earning less money to do so. Shortly after this revelation, we began investigating the cost of moving and the cost of housing. Yet again, we were met with bad news. For a similar size home we were looking 100 thousand more, it was nye on impossible to actually find a 4 bedroom home, and the cost to close out my practice here in Utah and move was on the order of several thousand.
What seemed like a bright shiny opportunity was quickly becoming tarnished. Over the course of several months we seemed to get one set of bad news after another. Between paperwork to get licensed, certified, and covered by insurance I felt like I was going to have to sale my first born. Each week seemed to bring more financial bad news on the order of 10-20 thousand negativity. All the while the bad news was coming in, we started to show our home, and despite having many showings we were not getting any bites.
As the financial disappointment and frustration with paperwork piled on, I wish I could say I took it all in stride. Instead I prayed and cried. Slowly as I poured my heart out to the Lord I came to realize that if I had faith in the Lord, I would trust that he had something greater in store for me and my family. Not knowing where the path led, but buoyed up by the light and truth I had, I carried that light into the darkness with me. I couldn't see anything ahead, only the step I was currently on. As I put that trust in the Lord, the roadblocks were not removed but I felt strengthened to deal with each one. After a few months there were a few breakthroughs and I felt I could more clearly see the path ahead - we were moving forward with faith. Then wham!!! Something took us completely unexpected, instead of starting in April - my start date was pushed back to June. For a gut wrenching moment I had no job here and no job there. After much anxiety, prayer and discussion Stuart and I came up with a plan. In that plan I gave up a hold on a number of physical comforts and safety nets.
As I gave up the temporal I came to realize how much lighter I felt. While the way ahead was still dark, I had come to know myself better. For a number of years, I had been unencumbered by temporal things. I didn't need or want the best clothes, a certain number of clothes, I had found joy in the simple things in life. As we had become more financially secure, I began not only to desire the greater comforts in life, but to depend on them. I had become somewhat selfish in my list of needs and wants. As this was stripped away, I came to recognize how big a part "things" and possessions had become in my life. Although difficult - like removing a painful splinter, as I became less interested with the things of the world, that held monetary value, I felt a greater sense of peace, comfort and love. I realized that the things I held in greatest value were in dead those that money could not buy. My love for my lord, my family, the scriptures and light and knowledge were untainted by a loss of financial comfort.
The roadblocks that had been placed in our path were just those that were needed to help us strengthen our spiritual muscles, and put on our gospel glasses.
Things are still not completely clear but the anxiety I feel in moving forward has been replaced with a strong reassurance that those things that matter most are those that dwell in my heart and soul not in my wallet or pocket book.
I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to reevaluate my priorities before I went too far down a path that was not leading me towards my ultimate goal.
Tomorrow: I'm not sure as this is as far as my journey has led. Will update more daily on the progress, the ups and the downs.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
Answers
As the search for our move narrowed down we were led to the state of Massachusetts. I had 2-3 good job prospects. One day while looking for CME classes I stumbled on a website not run by recruiters but a place individual practices could post openings. I found a clinic that seemed a good fit for my personality and style, but when I sent my resume they emailed me that they already had a candidate interested in the job. While disappointed, a job a little further north seemed promising and we moved forward with an interview.
As the time came to fly out for the interview I was looking forward to seeing the area and practice in person, as I felt the holy ghost would confirm our impressions if this was the right location.
1 day before we were to fly out, I received an email from the practice I had liked, but they had the candidate already - the individual had decided not to join their group. One of the pediatricians owning the practice wondered if I had any time to talk, we agreed to talk the following morning. I woke up early; as the time difference is 2 hours, and we spoke for a long period of time. At the end of the phone conversation he asked how we could move forward with an interview. I informed him we were actually flying out that afternoon. We rearranged our plans to include a detour to their practice the day after my other interview and moved forward.
As we arrived to the first location I immediately had an unsettling feeling. While the internet had painted a picturesque town, we drove through several areas that were run down, and did not seem quite the fit we had desired. Going to the clinic was refreshing, it was newer and a good location - but then I found out this location would not be where I would work. Again when we went to the location I would work I had an unsettling feeling. Going to bed that night, we were somewhat discouraged. Prior to flying out, we were almost positive this was going to be the job, but it seemed a cloud had come over us.
The following morning we started out fresh and went down to the next location. As we walked in the waiting room, I had a light joyful feeling. We spent the entire day talking with various partners, met the wife and children of one and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The following day we journeyed back down to this location, and said a prayer in the parking lot (we did feel a little silly) but we knew we wouldn't be back out this way and needed a decision. As my husband began the prayer my heart and mind were aligned with a light and warmth, as if our car was sitting in the noon day sun. Without a doubt we knew this is where we were supposed to be.
While still having some trepidation about such a change, we knew the lord was with us as we flew home to put things together for our journey.
Tomorrow: Roadblocks
As the time came to fly out for the interview I was looking forward to seeing the area and practice in person, as I felt the holy ghost would confirm our impressions if this was the right location.
1 day before we were to fly out, I received an email from the practice I had liked, but they had the candidate already - the individual had decided not to join their group. One of the pediatricians owning the practice wondered if I had any time to talk, we agreed to talk the following morning. I woke up early; as the time difference is 2 hours, and we spoke for a long period of time. At the end of the phone conversation he asked how we could move forward with an interview. I informed him we were actually flying out that afternoon. We rearranged our plans to include a detour to their practice the day after my other interview and moved forward.
As we arrived to the first location I immediately had an unsettling feeling. While the internet had painted a picturesque town, we drove through several areas that were run down, and did not seem quite the fit we had desired. Going to the clinic was refreshing, it was newer and a good location - but then I found out this location would not be where I would work. Again when we went to the location I would work I had an unsettling feeling. Going to bed that night, we were somewhat discouraged. Prior to flying out, we were almost positive this was going to be the job, but it seemed a cloud had come over us.
The following morning we started out fresh and went down to the next location. As we walked in the waiting room, I had a light joyful feeling. We spent the entire day talking with various partners, met the wife and children of one and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The following day we journeyed back down to this location, and said a prayer in the parking lot (we did feel a little silly) but we knew we wouldn't be back out this way and needed a decision. As my husband began the prayer my heart and mind were aligned with a light and warmth, as if our car was sitting in the noon day sun. Without a doubt we knew this is where we were supposed to be.
While still having some trepidation about such a change, we knew the lord was with us as we flew home to put things together for our journey.
Tomorrow: Roadblocks
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